Anxiety - Your Helicopter Parent.

Anxiety is an age-old way of our brains protecting us. Evolutionarily, we always had to be on alert for possible threats, but in this day and age, most of us are fortunate enough to have access to food, water and shelter without the constant threat of being another species' lunch. With all those nice things, unfortunately - due to our wiring - our brains turn their attention to other things that can cause us harm.

We have a near-constant inner monologue that seeks to protect us from experiencing pain or discomfort. Even though our thoughts are often frivolous - worrying about things that will never come to fruition - it's hard for us to find peace and calmness. We're always analyzing things and planning for "what ifs" in order to make the unknowns known; to make us feel safe.

Our amygdala (the emotional part of our brain that controls the Fight, Flight or Freeze Response) stores both good and bad memories with a pretty bad filter. It tries to steer us clear of things that might result in pain based on prior experiences - no matter how big or small.

For example, maybe you dated someone and got your heart broken. You probably aren't going to be eager to put yourself out there again. But let's say you meet an amazing person. You start getting close to them, when all of a sudden you get uncomfortable and anxious. You pull away because your head is sending alarm bells shouting: "Hey we've been here before, and it didn't end well. We don't want to lay on the floor with a tub of ice cream next to us for a month. That was no bueno. Abort. Abort!"

If we don't confront this anxiety and say, "Hey amygdala, I appreciate what you're doing for me, but can we chill for a minute?" it can rule our lives and take over our happiness. Over time, we build up more walls to avoid situations and encounters that can harm us. But later on, we realize, we built our walls so high trying to protect ourselves that we also blocked out all the good things.

A lot of anxiety is just our heads trying to calculate how to avoid pain. It isn't actually about dealing with the pain itself. We can let go of this by not identifying with it. When your brain says, "we've been here before, it wasn't great," - realize there is you, the observer, and then there is your amygdala, the helicopter parent trying to keep you safe - even when it isn't necessary.

Once you are able to separate you from your brain, you start to see the thoughts and feelings for what they are: fickle. They're like clouds, they appear in the clear blue sky (your head), and then they float away. If we let them.

Rather than getting attached and giving the clouds more fuel - to the point where they turn into a storm - just say, "hey Brain, thanks for the alert, I hear you, but I don't need you right now." If you feel the need, you can be a bit more aggressive and say, "cloud, you can f*ck off, right now." Or you can simply watch the thought come, and then watch it go.

Go watch some clouds float through your blue sky.

I realize there are varying degrees of anxiety. But I believe no matter where you fall on the spectrum, sitting back and observing your thoughts is a great first step to becoming less attached to them and taking back control of your life.

A few other resources to help on your journey to mitigate anxiety:

• Meditation is amazing. Here's a great guide that further explains meditation and how to do it, along with guided mediations available.

• Read The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer.

• Schedule a coaching appointment with me to navigate this fickle life.